Downtime

When I started this blog, I did it as a joke to poke fun at the guaranteed retardation that would come from me trying to fix a relatively complicated problem in my house. There has not been a single time (and I'm as serious as the day is long when I say not once) where something I have either fixed or put together hasn't gone wrong. The closest I came was when I put a gun cabinet together last Christmas. I specifically remember getting through and saying OUT LOUD, "I can't believe that I put this entire thing together with no problems." Then I opened the door and leaned to my left to pick up a rifle and the whole thing fell forward, tearing the joint screws out through the inside paneling. Since I had already burned the box it came in (I burn 95% of the cardboard that comes into my house so I don't have to break it down), so I couldn't take it back to Bass Pro and say it was broken when I bought it. But it worked out and you can only see the damage when you open it.
Most recently, after experiencing a plumber's high of fixing a leaky faucet, I turned my attention to the garage where I found an old shelf that was left here when we bought the house. I reasoned that the shelf probably wouldn't need to be screwed into a stud because I didn't anticipate putting anything heavy on it. Ok, I admit it. The 9-volt that is used in my stud finder was dead, and apparently that battery already came from my smoke detector (Shopping list: 9-volt battery and fire extinguisher). Anywho, I screwed it in and put a few things on it to clean up my work bench. A few minutes later, it didn't look quite even enough, so I BARELY touched it to test its strength when it fell, dumping everything on me. Luckily my knock test proved right and I found a stud on my next try. I used a level and it still isn't even though. Maybe my entire house is leaning. Or the world is crooked. It can't be the shelf.
So I as started this blog and sent a joke text page to some people I knew, I started getting common responses. No one I know is good at home repair, and I mean no one. Instead of the expected harassment and berating, I was getting comments of understanding and support. How is that possible? Ask anyone and you'll likely find that their father can build anything with anything. Mine is a contractor and I can't build a bookshelf or a birdhouse. I mentioned to him the other day that I should have paid attention more when he built stuff as I grew up, and he quickly pointed out that I avoided work as often as possible when I was younger. So here I am, years later, asking him questions about things that he learned when he was probably 7. Maybe I could have used some sort of college shop class. I'd certainly use it more than Coaching Men's Basketball (an actual elective on my transcript) or Mass Comm Law. There's not a whole lot use knowing by heart the ruling of Cohen v. Cowles as it pertains to promissory estoppel when I've got a stopped up terlet. Plumbing 101, anyone?